All of the Doubts and the Outbursts
by RainKandySux
Summary: Yuuki Hitsugaya was notorious for moving about each of the 13 Divisions and until she accepted a position within Squad 12. Here, she found a purpose. But, was it a healthy one? Her brothers Gin Ichimaru and Toshiro Hitsugaya sure didn't think so. The lazy, prodigal Soul Reaper found attraction in the darkest of places. (Cover art sketched by my BF)
1. Intro: The Master of Transfer

This is my first attempt at a Bleach Fanfic, and I am only on the first arc of the manga/anime. Any information within the story is based on all the research and spoiling I did to accomplish this tale and hope you like it! Oh, and yes— the title of the story was inspired by Selena Gomez's song "Hands to Myself" of all things lol. Do not be afraid to help me with more accurate character traits as I love constructive criticism ^.^ As a warning, the time frame may not be perfectly based and I'm sorry. Also, the rating will change to M due to the content of future chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

* * *

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

"There is a lot to be said of Hitsugaya Yuuki," the Captain- Commander, Yamamato was saying to Chōjirō Sasakibe.

"Perhaps it was unwise to allow her to transfer to and from each squad," his Lieutenant replied as they watched the quirky woman they were talking about interrupt yet another argument her brothers were escalating.

"Yes. It does seem that I underestimated her abilities. She is quite talented at bending people into letting her get her way."

"What are your intentions for her? It is no secret that her talents have exceeded the other Captains, yet she has made no move to take any position to be one herself. Nor have I heard any speculation that she wants to."

"That is what concerns me the most. What could her possible motivations be in limiting herself to such low ranking seats? Isn't she currently sixth in the division she's in now? Granted, that is largely due to her lack of getting into physical confrontations. She'd rather surrender her rightfully earned spot than to fight someone to keep it."

"I believe you are correct. It's difficult to keep up with all her inconsistency. I remember when she first graduated and was elected as Lieutenant for Ōtoribashi's squad right off the bat. It didn't last long though. I vaguely recall her complaining about it being too much work for a newcomer and asked his permission to go to another squad."

"Ah, that's right! Then she tired of being in Squad One due to all the formalities and moved onto the Second, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth; where she was Third Chair for her younger brother, Eleventh; which she seemed to loathe, and then to the Thirteenth Division where she promptly made her way to the Fourth. I really thought she would do well there in her second attempt at a Lieutenant position," the Captain-Commander remarked matter-of-factly.

"And you just let her move about like that without sparing it any notice until Unohana brought it to your attention rather angrily. She could not believe that anyone would want to leave her team, especially one that she had hoped would succeed her."

"She was very upset that her favorite officer would ask to transfer after we promoted Urahara as the Twelfth Captain. Yuuki seems to have grown the most in Twelve though. She is showing a less antsy attitude under Urahara's leadership than she did with all the other Captains."

"To think that she would not have even been allowed to leave Squad Four without Unohana's permission is laughable. Yuuki would never have a 'no' thrown her way," the Lieutenant scoffed.

"That is true, but the only way she was permitted to go was if she shared the abundance of research and such to Unohana when she felt ready to take the Captain's place from her."

"Young Yuuki has not been cooperative with that agreement lately though. "

The head of the Captains nodded in agreement before his partner continued with the discussion, "At this point in her career, she may have finally found solace where she is."

"I'm not ready to agree with that. She wasn't as steadfast at declining to transfer back to Squad Four until after Urahara's most recent recruitment from The Maggot's Nest. "

"I see. So you think her recent change to be left alone where she is has something to do with the heavily painted man the new Captain acquired?"

"Absolutely. Based on her past, we would expect her to hurriedly rush at the chance to return to the Squad she fit in the best at. It has been reported that she has declined Unohana's request for her to take her spot three times now despite passing the test required and even receiving a unanimous approval from the other Captains to do so, much to Unohana's irritation. Yuuki's excuses were that she wasn't finished studying, that she wasn't done gathering information, and that she needed more time for another project she was looking into for her current Captain. 10 years have passed since Unohana has reached out to Yuuki. She has never lasted in a squad this long and that is very worrisome."

"I still do not understand why it troubles you so," Sasakibe stated uncertainly.

"The reality is that we should assume that she knows every Captain's abilities up to the level of their Bankai since she has associated with all of them at some point in time. My fear is that her desire to stay put in the Shinigami Research and Development Institute has something to do with their new member abusing her for the data she has," Yamamato explained.

"That is a great concern, but I truly think her purpose for sticking with Urahara is less sinister," the man defended. He had never felt unease when he was around the girl which he believe he would, if she were being harmed that is.

"I certainly hope that is the case. I really wouldn't waste any thought on the matter if it wasn't for that Kurotsuchi fellow."

"We will get to that bridge when it is time to cross it, sir. For now, we have more important issues to discuss," his second hand stated, finalizing the conversation.

The two remained hidden while waiting for the Squad 9 Captain to arrive later that day about some troublesome events and continued to watch the heated dispute the odd siblings were sharing.

* * *

Yuuki could not fathom why today of all days her brothers would start a verbal scuffle. They both knew that it was her birthday. If she were angry at the two, she was even more so at herself for being surprised by their behavior. This always seemed to happen whenever the three were together.

Her older brother, Ichimaru Gin, shared the same father although she had never met the man that made her and had no idea of Gin's existence until she applied for the academy. Her younger brother, Hitsugaya Tōshirō, shared the same mother as she. Even though Yuuki had the same last name as the latter, she did not grow up alongside him.

It was true that she was much closer to her younger sibling, but that was only due to them graduating around the same time as well as her odd unease around the oldest. Gin seemed envious of that bond and insisted on seeing her at least once a month regardless of them being in separate divisions. Gin's discouragement of having to share his half-sister was never hidden whenever Tōshirō was around.

"We agreed that I would celebrate today with her and that you would get to see her tonight!" Tōshirō yelled. He rarely had any time to see the girl he was related to thanks to the responsibilities he had.

"No, you have that reversed," Gin coldly responded, twitching a hand at his zambakutō. His eyes opened to reveal the ice blue beauties he seldom displayed.

The sudden move to his weapon alerted Yuuki's younger brother so that he completely withdrew his own, casually arching it down towards Gin. Yuuki sighed before slapping the blade away and forcing herself between the two idiots.

She was clearly embarrassed at the predicament. Gin, Lieutenant for Aizen, and Tōshirō, a full-fledged Captain, were about to raise an alarm by attacking one another over something as futile as sharing time with a sister that neither knew much about. She knew she arranged a message to be sent to both with the details of the events for today and was losing patience with their disregard at reading it. She could only imagine how the trio looked like in the middle of the city, surrounded by Shinigami officers that appeared terrified for what was to come.

It only took one glance to believe that the family was cut from the same cloth. The three possessed pale silver-white hair, ivory skin, and striking eyes; with each bearing a different shade of blue. It was unusual to see them together, but when they were seen among one another, it was easy to mistake them for full-blood siblings.

Yuuki was always found wearing her long hair tied into a fishtail braid that draped over her left shoulder. Her eyes lacked pupils and are an intensely darker hue of turquoise than Tōshirō's that many found intimidating. At least, that was what she thought as she had zero luck with attracting lovers. Maybe it wasn't her but the two she was pushing towards a canopied area to hide from curious eyes that prevented her from being approachable.

Her mouth didn't curl up as dramatically as Gin's, but if one looked close enough, they would see that her lips always appeared to be perpetuated in a pleasant smile. She was of average height, 5'3" to be exact. Her wardrobe today consisted of a black one sleeved shihakushō that stopped at mid-thigh. She felt that the standard length was too overbearing and didn't like it being in the way.

It never failed that she was barefoot most of the time since she was usually cooped up in a lab, but today she opted to wear a warm shade of yellow sandals that tied into a flower at the top of each foot. They matched the honey colored nail polish she was getting fond of lately. Her zambakutō, though only seen used once before by Kuchiki Byakuya for an incident that happened in the Human World, consisted of two sai that she was never seen carrying as she never used them. She had a white bow resting around her waist. The way she knotted the bow exaggerated her hour glass frame.

"Tōshirō, as a leader you shouldn't be so hot tempered. People are staring," she teased before reminding them of her plans for the day and de-escalating the fight. "You're both wrong anyway. We all agreed today would be shared by not only the two of you, but with Momo, Rukia, Rangiku, Hiyori and possibly even Mayuri if he isn't too busy dissecting who knows what."

"I still can't believe you invited him. He gives me chills," Tōshirō mentioned as they waited for the others to meet up.

"It would have been rude not to include him when I asked Hiyori to tag along because he was with us at the time. Besides, I find him enchanting and would like to see his reaction for what a party is like," she explained with a failed attempt at hiding a blush.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say there is more to it than that," Gin whispered, not wanting to include Tōshirō in his speculation.

"I seriously doubt that weirdo would show any interest in her, so don't get her hopes up," Tōshirō interjected much to Gin's annoyance.

"Why not?" Yuuki asked, trying to sound uncaring.

"Because you aren't something he can rip apart and play with," Tōshirō responded casually as if it was a normal thing to do.

"How do you know she isn't willing to be? Unlike you, I have noticed bruising here and there on her exposed shoulder and neck. Oh my, and is that a bite?" Gin remarked and pointed at the base of Yuuki's neck. He enhanced his malicious smile to aggravate the shorter man.

Yuuki slapped a palm over her older brother's big mouth and stared anxiously at Hitsugaya. The little brother only shrugged his shoulders.

"Ha Ha, very funny you two. Like I would ever believe Yuuki would be okay with being a guinea pig."

Yuuki relaxed; relieved that the Captain thought he was being teased again.

"What are you all doing under here?" A tough voice questioned.

Yuuki smiled at Rangiku before pulling her into a tight hug and resting her head on the massive chest her dear friend possessed.

"They're just like pillows!" Yuuki exclaimed as she released her hug and pushed Gin's head into them so that he could agree with her comparison.

The two Lieutenants exchanged mixed expressions of horror and eagerness. They knew of Yuuki's obvious desire to have them be a couple and that she took every chance to show it. Secretly, they enjoyed it too. Hitsugaya was not impressed and gave Yuuki a look of disapproval.

"What is going on in this hideout of yours Yuuki?" Rukia asked curiously as she and Momo joined in on the birthday girl.

They had spent several minutes circling the area for her until they heard her scream out something involving pillows.

"It's a long story. Let's head on to the sweet shop I wanted to go to, to start today's festivities. I don't expect the other two I invited to show up until later. Some kind of investigation and what not," Yuuki explained, taking Rukia's hand in her own and leading them all to the candy store.

Yuuki was sincerely happy that her guests appeared to be enjoying themselves with the endless supply of donuts, sweet dumplings, and candy they snacked on while following her around doing whatever she deemed necessary. She was currently linked with Gin and Tōshirō with an arm intertwined with each brother. She felt as if she were being followed throughout the day, but tried to let the feeling go.

The sun was setting while they finished up a picnic she prepared the day before. This was the final destination before they called it a night. Rukia asked what was saved for last, so Yuuki stood up to show them. She said a few chants before a pale pink square glowed before her, dropping a Karaoke stand she borrowed from the Human World. The teleportation of items from one place to another was one of the few tricks many knew she could do since she found it necessary to use on a daily basis to aid in her laziness. It was also the tool she used to summon her sai if the need ever arose.

She adored the other side of life and the entertainment they had. She never missed an opportunity to visit the living because while she was there, she would participate in the activities they had like theme parks and carnivals. She never caused any trouble since no one would see her there…well except for that one time she actually had to draw her sai out. Byakuya still refused to let the incident go and would jibe at her whenever the opportunity arose. She could have been condemned for that day, but for some reason he decided to keep it between the two.

Regardless of that isolated incident, she discovered that her favorite past time was going to the bars those on the outside had during what they called "Karaoke Nights." She never laughed as hard as she did when watching the poor souls that sung out of key drunkenly. It was one of the few places she felt free enough to be herself. She knew the sing along fun would ease the tension that had been tickling her nerves all day. Her worry grew tenfold when she thought about little Hiyori. She never expected to see Mayuri out and about having _fun_ , but she knew the pint sized snaggle tooth had really looked forward to it. She shook physically to get rid of her stress.

Rangiku took lead in choosing a song enthusiastically after Yuuki explained what it was that they were going to do. Gin and Tōshirō bashfully declined to participate, which she anticipated. All for the best, as this was intended for her girlfriends. Her brothers stood close to the stage to support the girls as a crowd of rowdy and apparently intoxicated officers neared it. Naturally, the robust red head selected an inappropriate song to start with which only caught more attention from those nearing the performance. This thrilled Yuuki as she would have done the same and secretly liked the attention it would bring about. The four ladies dramatically head banged, punched the air, made a few flips, and many other outrageous gestures for the cheering and overcrowding fans.

It was in the middle of the last song that Yuuki's overwhelming sense of dread took over. She saw her Captain quickly walking towards her performance and only paused for a moment to speak with someone leaned against a nearby tree. She felt as if she were going to be sick when she realized that the Captain was talking with Mayuri. She wasn't prepared to make a fool of herself in front of him so soon and only acted irrationally and silly when she settled on him not coming at all. The entire time she spent working alongside the cryptic and dangerous newbie was usually in silence and she wanted him to think that she was equally as mysterious. She blew her cover as the imperceptible, cold-hearted type by acting as Mary Sue as possible tonight. Now she wondered if he would even think twice about her.

She dismissed that thought knowing full well that he would never acknowledge her being anything other than his experimentation toy no matter how she behaved in public. The rumors many started about the two were relatively accurate. She did willingly allow him to test poisons and remedies on her unknowingly to their Captain. She made any excuse to stay within the Twelfth district even though Unohana harassed her multiple times to see if she would go back to her squad. Why would she happily stick around someone that tortured her almost on a daily basis? It was simple. Her heart stopped beating every time she was in close proximity of the scientist and she wanted to know find out why the sadistic man intrigued her.

None she had ever come in contact with listened as intently as he did the few times she spoke around him. She knew it was only because he was studying her face and actions and wondering what it would be like to butcher her, but she sometimes pretended otherwise. Most males she would confront ran away from her when she tried to take the next step in a relationship, or when they did stay to use her for their own needs, they wouldn't make eye contact with her and kept her distant afterwards. She never found herself to be scary or unwanted, but she failed to impress a man enough that he would amuse her into marriage. It was starting to hurt her pride.

As a result, she stopped trying and that was the day Captain Urahara asked her to join him and Hiyori for a recruitment mission. The song finished and she sent the stage back to where it had been taken from before saying goodbye to her friends. Urahara had just finished speaking to his Third Chair and returned his attention back to where she was.

"Captain Hitsugaya, there is an emergency meeting. We must go now," he said worriedly before running to where he came from.

"Oh no," Yuuki whimpered inwardly before running after him.


	2. Invasion of Personal Space

This chapter does have lemon, so the rating has updated to M :D

I do not own Bleach

* * *

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

She never imagined what was to follow late that night. The moon was a milky shade of pearl and stood out brightly against the black ocean of a sky. Yuuki had actually almost instigated a physical fight with her Captain and was frozen in place for where it occurred. She shook in the chilling air. By this point, Mayuri had long since given up on coaxing her back inside the S.R.D.I.

Captain Urahara informed them of his concern about disappearances that had taken place in Rukongai hours earlier. He was asked to have a researcher deployed and opted to send Hiyori. Yuuki was infuriated by this decision as it should have been discussed by all officers. She went as far as raising her voice at the man before he put her back in her place. So there she remained standing, withdrawn in her own anger as she replayed the previous debate.

"You what? How could you send a _child_ into the unknown? She's only a little girl! What if she goes missing too?" She had shouted and raised a fist to punch him out of frustration. Silence followed the thundering clap that erupted from her knuckled hand. The force of her stroke echoed endlessly off the buildings around him.

Urahara had caught her jab which was causing what sounded like a noisy storm to those near and far. He released her hand after she nodded that she would not attempt to hit him again. He then placed a shaking hand on her chin, his face only inches from her pout. He was clearly holding back the anger that was uncommon for him.

"I don't know how other squads work, but since you are currently in mine I won't spare your feelings. If you spent less time messing around in the Human World and more time doing your job here, you would remember that a child-like appearance doesn't make a Shinigami a child! Your younger brother is a great example, you hypocrite. You're too busy living that fantasy of yours at being a human that you so easily forget the difference between them and us! Now, if you'll excuse me, I expect you to have a lab cleaned a prepared by the time I return. I may need it," and with that he was gone.

"Oh my," Mayuri laughed and suggested she better get to her duties since it would take her the rest of the night to do what was asked being the bum that she was.

She rolled her eyes. She didn't need him disciplining her as well. Besides, all she needed to do was relocate any messy lab items to an unused lab and switch it with new ones using her transfer technique and she'd be done. Yeah, yeah it wasn't actually cleaning since she would only be moving the mess into another location, but this method only took a few minutes at the most and Urahara wouldn't notice it until it was too late to even remark on it.

Currently, her face was hot from her increasing frustration. Another minute passed when she heard an ungodly commotion behind her. Mayuri was obviously irate at something because the wall located to her right exploded, and emitted a foul scented purple cloud. She masked her face behind her long sleeve and stared irritably at the debris falling in that direction. How dare he interrupt her silent brooding. Suddenly, the enigmatic Kurotsuchi stormed from the massive hole he had created.

"Come here," he demanded at a bemused Yuuki. She stood firmly in place as if to dare him into telling her what to do. She would be damned if he thought that she was going to be blamed for his mess. Who the hell did he think he was?

Yuuki Hitsugaya was about to find out. Mayuri wasted no more time waiting for her to obey. To her amusement, he tugged the cone of his left ear and pulled it off. The bizarre ear piece extended at least 10 feet with a scythe-like end. He slung it recklessly at her and laughed wildly at her ever-widening eyes.

She was too startled to react and allowed herself to be enclosed by the odd weapon. The sharp blade nicked her waste as her captor pulled her forcefully to him. Her right eyebrow arched mischievously as he unwound her bind, returned the cone back to his ear, and slapped her once across her face unmercifully. A bright pink handprint formed on her right cheek from the blow. She bit her bottom lip in response to the night air stinging her fresh wounds.

Next, he took a fist full of her braided hair and dragged her into the building. Her knees burned on the tile and forced a small whine from her quivering lips. She was led into one of the more secluded labs where her captor calmly asked anyone present to leave immediately in a very eerie tone. Yuuki wasn't sure to be worried or excited at this new achievement. She felt an itch of regret when the last officer left. It was too late to back down now.

Mayuri tightened the grip on her head and yanked her to her feet. He then shoved her back into a nearby wall. He dug the nails of his free hand into her neck, puncturing her soft, thin skin. Droplets of her blood slowly leaked from the small openings and repainted his white flesh scarlet. He lowered his head to hers before licking the mess from her neck and proceeded to trail his tongue up to the handprint that was still scaring her face.

She no longer fought the shiver she wanted to keep at bay and allowed herself to sigh in response. It wasn't right. It wasn't romantic like she had hoped, but she had to let those desires go. If she wanted _him_ she would have to accept whatever was to follow, even if her heart told her to wait.

He jerked her from the wall and roughly sat her on one of the messy tables. He proceeded to discard any item, including used sample slides, off to make more room. The sound of breaking glass and metal clanking alerted a passerby that quickly slammed the door to the lab shut after she figured out what was happening.

Once Mayuri knew that they would be undisturbed, he began to rip the shihakushō from her savagely. A few seconds was spent on undressing Yuuki in this manner until she was in nothing but the skin on her bones. She had never felt ashamed of her own body, but his intense eyes hungrily took in every inch of her.

She knew he had to have been picking apart every fault she possessed. This fear forced her arms to cover her chest and her legs to cross reflexively. She desperately wanted to hide herself from being devoured by his judgement.

He frowned at her reaction. Was this not what she wanted? Had he misunderstood or misinterpreted the beat of her heart and the pulse of attraction that echoed from her nerves whenever he was around? Whatever she meant by her previous behavior wasn't going to change the fact that she had placed them in an awkward predicament. He growled and decided not to think about it. If she wasn't expecting him to react this way, then she shouldn't have led him on.

Yuuki gasped when Mayuri forced her arms from her bosom and replaced them with his teeth. The cruel biting encouraged her to relax momentarily before he changed her position. Now, she stood facing the table. She clutched the edges of the stand tightly while she waited for the madness to ensue. The wait was traumatizing.

Her lover slowly ran his fingertips down the sides of her waist before he rested his open palms on her hips. He gently held them before spanking her severely. He then pushed her back flat, crushing her chest onto the experiment table. Next, he took the end of her braid and twisted her hair around his hand so that his grip was firm. The knot he made from her hair forced her head to arch back towards him.

Without any warning, he trusted into her and forced her to sputter with surprise. The sound persuaded him into continuing. He no longer questioned her motives. He concluded that her earlier act of self-consciousness was only out of fear of him not liking what she had to offer. He was so lost in his actions that he failed to notice how loud her yelps had become. He could tell that her whines were the perfect mixture of pain and pleasure. Oh how it thrilled him when he was successful with his experiments.

"Please, don't stop," the trembling girl beneath him requested between moans. The simple remark left him breathless for the first time in the life he had. He obeyed and stared at her pink cheeks. Her deep blue eyes were mesmerizing and he felt himself stoop into a drunken state from the intoxicating gaze she held him with.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could withstand holding himself back. Luckily, her left eye began to twitch and her abdomen convulsed before he broke. She inhaled gracelessly, trying to catch her breath. It was then that she felt warm liquid ooze down her spine.

A light tapping on the door to the room was the only warning they received regarding their Captain's return. Yuuki kicked Mayuri away before opening a portal to send the unclean lab items away and to bring forth new ones. She hurriedly placed the tools where Urahara preferred them to be before redressing herself with what was left of her drastically torn shihakushō. She looked over to the mad man she _let_ dominate her and noticed how calm, cool, and collected he appeared compared to her.

Yuuki jumped at the sight of Captain Urahara bursting impatiently in. He took a double take at her unkempt appearance.

"I'm not really sure what happened, but thank you for cleaning and preparing a station for me," he stated suspiciously, "you can go now Hitsugaya. Kurotsuchi, please remain behind. I'll need your assistance."

Yuuki looked uncomfortably around. There was a massive gash located at the butt of her dress and if she walked out like a normal person, her Captain would see it.

"Well?" Urahara asked, pointing to the door.

"Oh, yeah, sorry…" she mumbled, making sure her ass was hidden.

She walked away from the two with her back facing the entrance and her hands covering the tear. Her legs shook violently and she was unable to hide the soreness she was feeling while she limped away.

The second she was out, she opened a portal to take a shortcut to her bedroom. She exhaled her pent up breath before passing out and hitting the floor.

* * *

Yuuki bolted upright, shivering in the cold sweat from her recurring nightmare. All the events had only been a vivid dream. Her Captain, Urahara was sitting beside her with a curious smirk.

"I've noticed that you've been sleeping in later and later each day. Your laziness was more noticeable than the other officers which concerned me. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty if attaching these nerve receptors to you to study why you haven't been sleeping well," he stated, explaining his presence in her bedroom.

The stunned girl lifted her arms to examine the several circular stickers stuck to them and noted that she also had one on each side of her head as well. She didn't feel angry as she normally would at the situation. In truth, she was relieved that what happened to Hiyori was only in her imagination. She had been having night terrors involving the Vice-Captain ever since she transferred to Twelve.

"What have you learned?" Yuuki asked curiously.

"A lot, actually. It appears that your zampakutō possesses the ability of foresight among other manipulative properties. I wonder… do the girls you shared your birthday with also find their way into the Rukongai? Then there is the fact that many Captains speculated on your relationship to the Ichimaru boy that graduated in only one year. He is younger than the version presented in your dream though. How curious. I wonder if the other sibling of yours exists as well. Are you really related to both? "

Yuuki remained quiet a few minutes before answering. The blasted man could see her dreams! What else did he find in the infinite abyss of her mind?

"Some things are personal, Urahara. I'm not willing to share them."

"Understandable. Then there is another interesting discovery I made," Urahara admitted.

"What may that be?" She asked, remembering the end of her dream.

"It's okay to be embarrassed. I had no intention of this actually working. I'm glad it did though. It gave me insight as to why you never accepted my proposal when we first met. You have a thing for bluenettes and danger, huh?" He asked after his smirk deepened.

"I rejected your false request to marry me because you're a good-for-nothing bastard who was only playing with my emotions. I don't know who the hell that guy was or why he decided to drop into my sleep universe unannounced, but if you tell anyone about…" Yuuki trailed, her blush taking over her face and spreading down her neck.

"I know, I know. On a serious note, you're worried about Hiyori."

"Yes. I keep getting this agonizing sense of dread every time I see her. I'm just waiting for something bad to happen."

"Have your dreams ever become something more real?"

"When I first entered this place, I noticed many of my dreams became reality. These were usually small things, like meeting a person I had moments before met in my sleep or finding an item on the street that I had treasured in a nap."

"I see. Well it doesn't do well to fret over the inevitable. I'll concoct a sleep aid so that you can sleep tonight without dreams."

"That would be perfect," Yuuki's smiled lengthened as Urahara petted the top of her head before removing the sensory receptors.

"How about you come with me on an adventure? I bet it'll help soothe your negative attitude," he offered.

"Why not?" She agreed before heading out with Kisuke and Hiyori.

Urahara spent the next few hours asking about the man she had dreamt about and why her dream Yuuki felt such attraction to a beast. He spoke as if he knew more about the guy than he was letting on. All the while, Hiyori defended her and verbally assaulted their leader the entire way. Yuuki allowed herself to giggle with each "fuck you" and "why is that any of your business" Hiyori would spout out. They accessed Squad 2 and stopped at a cave opening.

"You served in Squad 2 in the past, correct?" Urahara asked, changing topics.

"Yes, that is right."

"You also know that it is difficult to leave the Second Division."

"…yes, I am aware," Yuuki whispered knowing that he was really remarking about the "other manipulative properties" her zampakutō held.

"Regardless of how or why you were allowed to jump around from each squad, you must have knowledge regarding the Nest of Maggots?" He asked.

"I do," she replied, stunned by his smooth assessment of her skills. No one had ever called her out, but Urahara discovered her trick within the few weeks he spent being her Captain.

"Don't be so surprised. I won't tell on you if you promise to let me handle you the way the yellow-eyed man did last night," he winked before Hiyori attempted to drop kick the idiocy out of him.

"I'm not really sure what you're talking about, but how dare you speak to a young lady in such an informal and personal manner! You arrogant piece of shit!" Hiyori raged.

"Is there any significance as to why you brought him up?" Yuuki asked after giving Hiyori a high five.

"Of course," he smiled and left it at that.

Yuuki spent the final minutes of the journey with her arms crossed and in intense thought. Hiyori's obnoxious attitude at interrogating Kisuke into who the "man" was did not help Yuuki's own outlook. She was developing a migraine and was beginning to bitterly regret her decision to join.

She was still in deep concentration when the inmates that surrounded them broke into a fight. The look on her face must have frightened them as they did not make any attempts to lunge at her. It was for the best as she did not have any tolerance left and would have acted recklessly against them.

Urahara quickly dispelled the fighting and led them into a lower chamber. It was dark other than the candles that lit the hall a pale blue. Yuuki sighed and rubbed her sore temples.

"Can I just stay here while you get whoever it is we came here for? I need a nap and this lighting is perfect."

Urahara chuckled kindly before denying her request.

"What kind of man would I be if I left you all alone here to rest? If you need more sleep, why don't you come over here into my arms and I'll carry you?"

"You fucking perve!" Hiyori roared as they entered the room their recruit was in, catching the stranger's attention, "you only offered to do that so that you could have an excuse to touch her juicy butt you always stare at when she's not paying attention…which is almost always!" The small, feisty, Vice-Captain continued.

Yuuki choked on the water she was sipping on while Hiyori was tearing Urahara a new one, spitting it into the cell where the poor soul they were getting sat idly and apparently unamused. After she finished coughing she glared at the little twat before turning her head to inspect her backside.

"It's…not…that…big, is it?" She struggled to mumble as she twisted around to examine herself.

"Oh it is certainly admirable, maybe you should ask a fellow male" Urahara replied much to her dismay before focusing his attention to the person chained opposite them.

Yuuki could have fainted where she stood. The man dangerous enough to be sealed away in the Maggots Nest was boring a frightful stare in her direction. His golden gaze seemed to see right through her. She swallowed nervously before forcing her eyes away from the trance and back to Urahara.

"Is this a joke? Are you messing with me, Captain?" She growled. He answered with a smile as they both recalled the dream he invaded.

"Do you remember what we discussed earlier about your knack in foresight when you dream? Isn't he familiar to you at all?"

"You are an unpleasant man," the blue-haired inmate behind the cage voiced.

"Yes, he most certainly is," Yuuki agreed, crossing her arms and turning away from the speaker. She couldn't afford for him to see her reddening face.

"Does this have anything to do with the conversation you shared in the forest on the way here?" Hiyori butted in.

"I'll tell you when we get back home," Yuuki informed her.

Urahara moved onto the reason they had arrived. Yuuki appeared surprised when Mayuri, she learned his name matched the one in her dream, declined the offer.

"But you're all alone with nothing but a chain around your ankle. Don't you want to see the sun?" She asked unintentionally. The damned dream had her worried about some weirdo she didn't even know.

Urahara agreed and added that he would be free to experiment and would take ownership of the division if anything happened to himself.

"Am I to assume that she is in this as well?" Kurotsuchi asked, nodding towards Yuuki.

"If including her in the deal will make you decide in my favor, then yes. You can have her," Urahara agreed.

Hiyori and Yuuki stood in silence. They were unable to comprehend what had just happened.

"Hiyori, am I a possession?" Yuuki asked while they waited for a guard to unhook Mayuri.

"No Yuuki, you are not."

"Am I something to be traded?"

"No Yuuki, you are not."

"Did we hear me being used as such?"

"Yes Yuuki, we did," Hiyori agreed.

The trek back home was spent with the two repeating it over and over while the men remained silent.

Urahara knew his death was nearing the minute they walked back into the Research and Development building when Yuuki opened a portal and retrieved her zampakutō. She rubbed the intriguing pike-like blades before pointing the left one to his throat.

"I am not in any mood for your games, Kisuke. I demand that you make me that potion that will allow me to sleep without dreaming. I need a nap. A GODDAMNED NIGHTMARE FREE NAP! Do I make myself clear?" The silver-haired vixen snarled, uncaring of what the newbie thought.

"If you promise to poke me with that later," Urahara laughed before Yuuki lunged at him.

He dodged easily, but not unscathed. His cheek managed to get hit and part of his cut hair flew from the gust her attack made.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Hitsugaya. I'll be more reserved since you are no longer mine to tease. Forgive me, Vice President," he apologized more sincerely to the newcomer.

Hiyori and Yuuki fumed in heated aura.

"Kurotsuchi, why don't you come with me. I'll show you around and give you tips at how to keep those two in check."

Hiyori and Yuuki remained standing while the other officers avoided the danger oozing from the scorned women. Minutes passed and the two girls were in Yuuki's bedroom listening to heavy-based music booming from a device Yuuki must have "borrowed" from the living.

"I thought you two would be releasing your angst here," Urahara commented as he and Mayuri entered the room and watched as the woman glared at their interruption.

"Don't look so upset. I'm sorry and I have brought the potion of your desires to make up for my rude actions," the Captain said as he handed the sleep aid over.

"I will not thank you until I wake up well-rested," Yuuki spat and chugged the mixture.

"She's too naive," Kurotsuchi mentioned as Yuuki fell into a deep sleep, "the ingredients you used put her in a hypnotic state. If anything, you will be able to use this to control her dreams, potentially bringing up memories she keeps close to her that she may not want to reveal."

"Precisely! In the name of Science, I must find out why her weapon isn't a standard sword. It is exceptionally rare to dual wield and even more rare that it wouldn't be with standard katana. I'm also very interested in seeing how she may be related to one of the newly graduated students. She is unwilling to tell me, so I am going to find out now before she kills me," Kisuke explained with a very mischievous smile.

"I don't want to be here when she wakes up," Hiyori whispered and ran out of the room.

"Let's begin, shall we?"Urahara asked and looked at the list of questions he prepared ever since he met the woman for this exact moment.


	3. Distant Memories Part 1

This chapter involves a series of tragic events and the question of God's existence. If you are sensitive to these subjects, you may wish to skip over those scenes. They will be marked with a line break before and after. This does shape Yuuki's character and is important in building the relationship she has with Mayuri though. Since her history will take time to explain, this chapter is broken into 2 parts.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

* * *

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

Mayuri watched Urahara in concentrated interest as he placed the sensory knobs on Yuuki.

"This is a breach in privacy, but the Captain-Commander asked that I investigate how she was able to get away with all the transferring. He, among several of the other Captains, has found her uncontrollable. They are worried about the data she has for each division which is all of them, and they fear that she has an underlying motive for collecting it. We're going to see if they have a right to be worried. Personally, I am hoping to find evidence in her defense. Also, her recent dreams have indicated that she is aware of their suspicions against her," Urahara explained as he handed the new Vice President of his Research and Development Institute matching stickers to see into Yuuki's mind along with him.

"I'm sorry to get you involved, but some say that I may be biased. The Captains may think that I'm lying to protect her," Urahara continued with a boisterous laugh.

"I wonder why that would be," Mayuri commented dryly.

The few hours he shared with the girl in _this_ life he learned that she was anything but a schemer that played games. Any fool could have seen that. Had he wound up surrounded by idiots that would mistake this woman as an enemy?

Urahara spared another laugh before starting the invasion. They appeared to pop into another universe, one that was made of shadow. Kurotsuchi stared in awe.

"You should not be here," a sinister voice boomed against the invisible walls.

A tall, slim figure approached them. It appeared to be gender-neutral. It was at least two feet taller than they, had long ruby-toned hair, and was dressed in armor as black as the world around them. The top half of its face was hidden be a mask distinctly only found on hollows. The being also possessed large wings that expanded twice the size of the creature with each having numerous rips and tears. The wings were tipped with bone-white horns. Although intimidating in appearance, it still held an air of majestic beauty.

"You must be Yuuki's ban—" Urahara began to tell the creature what he thought it was but was stopped in midsentence by the protector holding out a hand to silence him.

"I am _Kurushimi_. You should not be here," the spirit of the zampakutō repeated after announcing who it was.

"Your name is 'suffering'? That is very sad," Urahara spoke up again.

The spirit he acknowledged slid a sai from a sheath located amid its back and held it to Urahara's throat.

"I am her depression, I am her frustration, and I am her despair, envy, and loathing. Yes, I am her suffering," he slowly growled before narrowing the space between the sai and Urahara's open neck.

"Let him speak," another entity requested in a sweet sing-song voice.

This soul mirrored the counterpart in size, but that was all. The rest of its appearance was the complete opposite. This being was cloaked in the richest of ivory-hued robes. The wings for the second spirit were full of startling white feathers. The bottoms of the wingspan ended in rows of ebony horns. Atop its head was fine, golden hair that flew in motion despite the lack of wind to pull at it. Its face was not hidden like its counterpart, and it looked exactly like Yuuki's.

"Why? Why should we entertain them, _Kibō_? Does Yuuki not ask that we keep her secrets?" The stern protector inquired bitterly.

Kisuke noted the second sprit's name. This one must represent possibility, promises, optimism, and most importantly, hope.

"We are more than secret keepers, aren't we? We are her Bankai. We must look over her, protect her. She is lonely and afraid in this so called 'Soul Society'. Maybe they can help her overcome her shyness and stop the betrayer that is hidden among the elite here," the heavenly spirit suggested, proving Urahara's assumptions as to what _Kurushimi_ and _Kibō_ were, correct.

"She is not afraid," the demon countered, "only lost."

"Tell me, what is your purpose?" _Kibō_ asked Urahara, flying closer to his direction.

He noticed the second sai tucked beneath the bird-like wing nearest him.

"Her soul is divided in two. I see why she is always in constant conflict whenever she needs to make a decision and why she is a duel wielder," he remarked to Mayuri before speaking to the spirit, "You stated that there is someone within the Soul Society that has ill will. Many believe that would be Yuuki. We are here to prove otherwise."

The two spirits that resided in Yuuki's sai began to discuss the severity of the situation while Urahara and Kurotsuchi watched impatiently.

"She will be ashamed that they will know her burdens. What say you, _Kurushimi_? Shall we let them pass?" _Kibō_ asked.

"Now that she is closer to the danger, she is hinting to those that she is the danger. We cannot afford for that wrong assumption to linger any longer. If she is accused of treason and sentenced _he_ will win," _Kurushimi_ sneered, revealing shark-like teeth.

"Is the price worth the risk?" The two sai spirts asked unanimously to an unseen third party. Silence continued a little longer.

"Yuuki has given permission for you to enter. She demands chocolate cake without icing, because it is too sweet, and a bottle of white rum…she doesn't really care what brand when she awakens to make up for the trouble you both have caused. She is furious that you couldn't simply explain why you wanted to know of her agenda. I am against it, but for some reason she trusts that her Captain will not use her knowledge against her and she admits that she needs help," _Kurushimi_ explained lengthily before clapping its hands.

The act caused the darkness around them to lift as if they had been blindfolded to preserve the surroundings. The darker soul disappeared, but the lighter one remained behind to guide them.

"To understand us, you must start at her beginning," the spiritual guide stated as the led them on.

They were directed to the World of the Living. A thick fog cascaded the grounds located in front of a massive manor. A sign posted on the entrance revealed that the mansion belonged to a Lord Hitsugaya. _Kibō_ motioned to Urahara and Kurotsuchi to follow. Next to the large home was a sturdy, smaller building that sheltered the servants.

A young woman with light brown hair, lips upturned similarly to Yuuki's, and eyes as bright as ice lay in incredible labor pain.

"It's almost here, keep pushing," a midwife urged.

The onlookers were spared from the graphics once the spirit fast-forwarded the scene.

"Oh no, her hair," the midwife (who was also the newborn's grandmother) moaned. "You never mentioned that it was a Hitsugaya that took you. Is he married? If so, what will his wife do if she discovers his adultery? Only his clan is known to have silver hair at birth."

"Do not fret; we'll just keep her wrapped up. It's wintertime, so keeping a hat on her won't bring any misgiving," the new mother gasped, in awe of her little one.

"I suppose you are right. We must have faith in God. We will be strong for her, for our little Yuuki."

The time skipped with only a few stops along the way to show Urahara and Kurotsuchi how Yuuki was raised very religiously. Her mother heavily emphasized the existence of God, a new concept to the country of Yuuki's existence, and would refer her daughter to him whenever she was upset.

Not once did they see Yuuki cry when she was hurt as a result of her mother's disapproval of it. Whenever she got close to tears, her mother would recite Proverbs 31:25; "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

When the time hop finally stopped, they were directed to a celebration that was in full effect at the arrival of the Lord's new son, Tōshirō, five years after Yuuki's birth. All the servants and neighboring villages were invited to admire the new heir.

Yuuki's mother wound a purple scarf around her daughter's hair before taking dirt and dabbing it over her eyebrows to conceal their color.

"Stop mumby," Yuuki whined, pushing her mother away. She had a slight speech impediment due to her lack of contact with others.

"Listen, you'll understand when you are older. Are you able to squint your eyes as well? For now, please oh please just trust your mother," the woman begged.

Yuuki shrugged in response. Her mother expected her to walk around with dirt on her face and her eyes closed without any explanation. She was clearly not fond of that idea.

She was soon led into the manor she had never set foot in prior to this special day. She watched her mother wring her hands nervously and sweat steadily bead down her neck. Yuuki couldn't understand why the occasion terrified her mother so. They were only going to look at a baby, right?

Their turn finally arrived and Yuuki looked curiously at the infant causing all of the fuss. Kisuke and Mayuri could see surprise touch the little girl's face. She turned a stunned look towards her mother and was about to remark on her discovery of how much she looked like the infant when her mother pushed her away to let the next guest take a look.

"Why the rush?" Lady Hitsugaya asked, halting the line.

"Oh…you see…my sweet Yuuki isn't feeling herself today. I didn't want her to miss this opportunity out of respect, but I didn't want her behavior to embarrass me in front of the royal family," her mother answered anxiously while she tightened the knot on her daughter's scarf.

"That is completely understandable," Lord Hitsugaya acknowledged before motioning the next visitor to step forward.

Yuuki's curiosity melted into worry when the Lord's wife looked ominously at her. Yuuki squinted her eyes as her mother had asked her to do earlier and wished she had been doing so the entire time.

"Why do you insist on hiding such a pretty girl? I'm sure she would fit in well with the other house keepers. I could use another hand maiden now that I have a child," the Lady of the house coldly remarked. The edge of malice did not go unnoticed by those near.

"Her…odd…personality may push others away. I am afraid that I would not want her to step up to such an important role," Yuuki's mother stammered excuses as to why she never let her child help elsewhere and only kept her within the servants quarters.

"Interesting. Come here little one so that I can get a better look at you," the Lady asked with disregard to her husband's request to let the poor child go.

Yuuki obeyed reluctantly and was fully aware of the eyes of those present watching her every move.

"You have your mother's snaky smile. I always found it to be such an unusual trait among the Ichimaru clan. Perhaps it means that you are both sneaky and deceitful like those creatures," the woman began, picking the delicate child apart.

Yuuki's cheeks flushed in shame. She had never seen her own reflection and was starting to believe that she looked like a reptile. Had the woman not said moments before that she was pretty?

"Even with that mouth, your face is rather lovely. Those eyes are quite breathtaking. Some would say that they are very similar to the Prince's and _his father's_. That deep shade of blue-green isn't common," Lady Hitsugaya continued.

Young Yuuki could hear the room silence. The lack of sound was so poignant that it was deafening. She looked up at the young Lord for the first time since arriving and wished she had not. His face, other than his small pout, was a clone of hers.

At once, Yuuki knew why her mother never spoke of her father. At once, she understood her mother's insistence at keeping her hidden. At once, hell broke loose in the Hitsugaya household.

* * *

Lady Hitsugaya snatched the scarf from Yuuki's head and freed the silver threads tucked beneath it. The noble woman trembled in anger before losing dignity and stooping so low as to attack the five year old whose eyes emulated terror.

"Stop smiling! Stop taunting me with that mouth of yours you little wretch!" She shrilled as she hit Yuuki's face repeatedly.

"I'm not…I'm not smiling," Yuuki pleaded with the wild woman as she lifted her arms to defend herself. She prayed that God would erase the shape of her lips. Her mother told her to never cry and call upon him in times of trouble, so she held back her tears triumphantly and did.

The enraged woman did the unthinkable by withdrawing a concealed knife hidden in her sleeve, pulling Yuuki into a headlock, and carving a frown into the screaming child's face.

Was God mocking her prayer?

"You didn't think I knew about you? Is this really a surprise? You and your elegant hair of royal blood, you and your oceanic eyes, you and your 'mumby look at this', 'mumby watch me' mumbling speech patterns as you prowled under my nose? You— the constant symbol of my husband's betrayal? Years I have waited to get at you!"

* * *

"Take her away," Lord Hitsugaya commanded calmly to a wary guard as he snatched the knife away and wiped the blood on his own kimono.

"I am sorry to cut the visit short. Please forgive me, as I must dismiss you all," he informed the terrified audience. Their whispers were already spreading beyond the walls.

"I remember your face," Lord Hitsugaya said towards Yuuki's mother, "I recommend that you gather your things. I will prepare a carriage to take you both away. Yuuki, please stay here for the time being. I will see that your wounds are treated."

"She dreams of sharing the same mother of Tōshirō because if she had, this would have been avoided and her own mother's life would not have been at risk," _Kibō_ added as they watched on.

Yuuki looked quietly on as her mother was escorted outside. The Lord of the mansion picked Yuuki up and held her on his hip as he walked towards a room at the far back of the home. The room they entered held a tall bed and a man who stood mixing herbs.

She gawked at the doctor as he made his way to her, still mixing the medicine he was working on. His head was crowned in vibrant blue hair and his eyes were more gold than a cat's. If her genetics were something to behold, she could only imagine how people viewed him. She only wished she could see the face under the porcelain paint. Urahara looked over at Kurotsuchi inquisitively.

"Yuuki stated earlier today that she didn't recognize you from the dream I creeped in. I wonder why she would lie about that," Urahara sighed.

"Maybe she wanted to spare your feelings," Mayuri replied smugly.

"Do you remember this?"

"No, that is not me."

Kisuke kept his opinion silent as they returned their attention back to the memory.

"Someone took matter into their own hands, I see," the Mayuri look-alike stated as he took in Yuuki's small face, "the cuts are very deep, but what I have will not only reverse the damage, but she will be free of scars as well."

"Excellent. I must leave you, but will return shortly," Lord Hitsugaya said and left.

"You do not have to gawk," her healer mentioned as he rubbed the herb mixture over the torn flesh.

Yuuki didn't answer and quickly looked at anything in the room but the mystifying man taking care of her.

"I have a son a little older than you. He would be intrigued by your condition to say the least," the medic noted before bandaging her wounds.

"Is he as beautiful as you?" Yuuki blurted, ignoring the notion that the man's son may have been odd. To her amazement, he did not tease her.

"If you find me as such, then yes."

Lord Hitsugaya returned as he said he would, picked Yuuki back up, and toted her away in the same fashion as he brought her in. Yuuki waved goodbye to the unique individual before looking at the man carrying her.

"Who was that?" Yuuki asked.

"Who he is or where he is from is unknown to me. I only know that his people specialize in curing ailments, surgical repairs, and many other things I am not able to discuss with a child so I hired him."

"Will I ever get to see Tōshirō again? Will I get to have a little brother?" She asked more questions, not really expecting any answers.

"I will arrange a relationship between you two when you are older. For now, it is best to send you away, Princess Hitsugaya."

"I am not a princess."

"You will be mistaken for one of my own regardless."

Yuuki remained quite the rest of the way as she took in her biological father's face to memorize it. He handed her to her grandmother who in turn kindly placed her into the carriage, boarded it herself, and waved goodbye to the master. It was the last time Yuuki would see the man that helped create her.

"Wait! Where is my mother? We cannot leave without her," Yuuki exclaimed as the horse-led buggy took them away.

"Sweet, innocent Yuuki, your mother will not be joining us."

The too young child didn't quite comprehend what she was told at that moment. She would soon understand in the ages to follow that her mother was tried and executed at the demand of the Lady.

 _She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future_ , Yuuki repeated mentally until they landed at a decrepit shack.

"She struggles to uphold that verse and that old religion now. The year she would leave the Human World is our last destination because many of her past recollections have been hidden so deep that even she cannot remember them. This is where she started losing faith," _Kibō_ whispered as she sped time forward again.

They landed 11 years later into Yuuki's life where she was tending to the woman that raised her. Her face was healed perfectly as the doctor claimed and she appeared physically healthy, if not a little wan in appearance which was common for those mentally abused.

"Your hair is greyer than mine, Granny, and you are getting worse. I know I can find some herbs we can use to make you better," Yuuki sighed.

"For the final time, no! You must not go out today. My intuition has never failed and it is telling me that if you leave, something unfortunate will happen. Evil is in the air and it is looking at you," the nanny managed to sputter spookily before erupting in mucus-filled coughs.

"You sure are superstitious for a Christian woman," Yuuki smarted, hoping that her substitute mother didn't hear.

"What was that, Hitsugaya bastard?" Granny Ichimaru asked hoarsely.

Yuuki looked down at her hands embarrassed. It wasn't her fault that she was unwanted. She didn't make the decision to be born and yet her grandmother made it very clear that she was the reason for any disastrous event that occurred due to her being born.

"It's just…we are out of chamomile and I know that it helps if blended in your tea. You're getting paler each day and each day you tell me to stay put. I won't be gone long and I'm worried that if I don't find something to help now that…"

"That it will be too late," the old woman finished.

"Yes," Yuuki confessed.

"Listen to me. As much as it pains me to say so, your safety is so much more important than this old lady's cold. Besides, all you need to do is pray."

"Okay, grandmother," she sighed again.

"She noticed that praying wasn't very effective lately. She begged God to give her an opportunity to get out of the shack and find happiness. But, he found it necessary to keep her here watching a sickly grandmother that did nothing but insult her daily. Even so, she didn't want to be by herself and accepted the fact that she was the reason for her mother's demise and tolerated the inappropriate behavior," _Kibō_ added clarification to the situation Yuuki was in,

"This was the twelfth day in a row that her sick grandmother forbade her access outside the home. She was getting restless and anxious waiting around. "

The senior fell roughly asleep within an hour and she decided to take action into her own hands. Praying wasn't helping her granny get any better any faster. She knew the woman would throw a fit when she returned with help, but Yuuki didn't mind. She wasn't ready to live alone just yet.

Yuuki didn't stop to bother with the herbs that grew wildly around the pitiful home. She remembered seeing a town close by that would surely have real medicine to use. That would cost money that she didn't have, but Yuuki prayed that she would find some along the way and she had faith.

Kisuke and Mayuri looked at one another when the Yuuki they were following stopped in her trek to the nearby town to spin around in the warm sun. Urahara and _Kibō_ couldn't help but to smile at the laughing teenager as she tripped and fell into the tall lavender she was dancing in while Mayuri rolled his eyes in disgust. All four ceased to breathe when the ticking sound of a deathwatch beetle lingered in the summer evening.

The spies watched Yuuki as she slowly stood and looked around. Every chirp and click from the beetle made her jump. She shook herself to snap the fear out of her before bowing her head to pray.

"Hello there," an unfamiliar voice interrupted her silent wishes.

Yuuki's soul nearly left her body from the scare, but she replied to the stranger with a smile reminiscent of Gin's, or so thought Urahara.

"Why are you all alone?" the man asked innocently. The deathwatch beetle clicked again.

Yuuki's panic began to rise and she was failing to hide it from her eyes even though her smile remained wide and unwavering.

"I'm not alone… or I won't be for long. I am meeting someone."

"Out here?" The stranger asked, "Surely you know that the closest town is still another mile away?"

"We agreed to meet half way," Yuuki continued to stall and walked faster away from the interrogation and onward to the town.

"You don't say? Hmm. I must confess my transgressions since I caught you bowing to God. I'm a liar and a thief among worse. As such, I can tell when a person isn't being honest. You are as translucent as the tears rising in those pool-worthy eyes," the man taunted.

"You must be imagining things because you want to see me weep," Yuuki boldly replied and hugged the basket she was carrying to use for the medicine to her chest, "But I'll only disappoint you. I don't cry."

"Ah, I see that you have finally told a truth. A girl that doesn't cry? How exciting," he growled deeply before reaching out to her.

* * *

Yuuki put her weight into the punch she landed perfectly into the disgusting man's nose. She could hear a soft crack from the blow letting her know that the villain's muzzle broke before she turned and sprinted away. The man pursued her, laughing manically. It was all a game for him. She cursed the long dress that slowed her down. Only minutes passed before the beast caught her by her long hair and slung her onto her back.

"This is why she keeps her shihakusho so short. She never wants her running to be restrained again," _Kibō_ interrupted once more before they returned their attention on the memory.

"The last one wasn't as quick thinking. You are much more exciting," he laughed harshly as he tugged her dress above her waist while she slung the basket at him over and over again. He disregarded the feeble assaults.

She ignored what he stammered in her ear and furiously fought the tears threatening to leave her just as hard as she fought the man trying to force them out. She was raised by an old woman that didn't have the time or the strength to teach her any self-defense. Yuuki bitterly regret disobeying the wise elder as she struggled. Now, she was about to learn the repercussions of waywardness but she would not cry.

Her wrists ached as the monster pinned them above her head. She desperately pulled her legs close to her stomach in a last ditch effort to kick him off. He must have been used to such tactics as he easily dodged her attack.

"How about a deal? I had every intention of killing you once I finished, but I'll let you go. Do you know the Hitsugaya family and their brat, Tōshirō? You look like them. I'll let you live and the next time you see that kid, let him know that Momo's brother bids him good tidings. They're visiting the town you're headed to. He'll be thrilled to know that I'll no longer trouble him." The stench of alcohol on his breath stung her nostrils.

Yuuki bit her tongue as the animal kissed her neck, abdomen, and thighs before slipping into her. She would not scream. She would not cry. She would not fear. She would, however, live. She would live and _laugh without fear of the future._

She felt herself rip and whimpered in pain against her desires to keep quite. She didn't want to satisfy the demon ravaging her.

* * *

 _Kibō_ was facing away from the abuse in a fetal position, covering her ears. Urahara looked ready to vomit, and Mayuri looked coldly on. If Kisuke didn't know any better, he'd think that his comrade appeared poised to attack the ghost of a man grinding on the fragile adolescent.

The attack did not last much longer and the man climbed off Yuuki and tossed two silver coins at her. She laughed aloud at the money, scaring the rapist. He ran away as her laughter intensified. She had prayed for money for the medicine she needed, and this is how God provided it to her.

Soon, her sarcastic laugh turned sour as the irony wore off and she began to mirror _Kibō's_ act of covering her ears and slouching in a fetal position. They watched her rock back and forth as she whispered "it's okay" over and over again all for the sake of keeping herself from crying.


	4. Distant Memories Part 2

Like with Part 1, this chapter will have the overly violent scene marked with a line break before and after. The end of this chapter finishes up her background story and sets the stage for her disturbing yet lemony future. Enjoy ^_^

I do not own Bleach

* * *

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

Several seconds passed before she controlled her rocking and stood up. She brushed herself off, pulled her dress back down to her ankles, and placed the coins into the basket before walking towards the village. All, but one, that watched her pass through thought nothing out of the ordinary for she held herself with _strength and dignity_.

"My, my, if the Princess isn't all grown up," a strangely familiar voice rang.

Yuuki's spirits lifted when she recognized the doctor who healed her face all those years ago.

"I'm glad to see you. I need something to soothe a fever. My grandmother is very ill and I am afraid that…"

"You are afraid that she will die and leave you to yourself. But, you need more than what medicine can fix," he said perceptively.

She looked down at her feet. How did he know the agony tugging at her heart along with the burning wounds between her legs?

"I don't have to know the details. Come with me," he asked.

Yuuki followed. When she walked into the temporary shop, she blinked in surprise. An adolescent slightly older than her with hair, eyes, and face paint that matched the doctor stood rummaging through a pile of loose thread.

"That is the son I mentioned the last time I catered to you," the man stated with a tone of amusement, making the boy look up at the guest.

"Is he as beautiful as you imagined?" He asked much to Yuuki's discomfort.

She embraced her embarrassment and crossed her arms before providing the teen with a friendly smile, not that her lips could be mistaken for anything else really.

"I suppose so, if only I could see under all that makeup," she answered her smile with an attempt at flirtation.

This time Kurotsuchi appeared ready to vomit while Urahara stood ready to attack the memory version of Mayuri. The youthful counterpart ignored Yuuki's approach and went back to digging through the thread, found one he liked, and began to use it on a decapitated lizard located in a corner farthest from her.

"Don't mind him. He's up to no good," his father noted before bringing her a remedy for her ailing granny and another bottle of something unfamiliar.

"Give this to her every four hours. This other bottle, you may use to clean out your womb, both I can sell for three silver pieces please," he instructed.

Yuuki looked to her feet again. She could feel the golden eyes of his son boring into her skull. His father couldn't have whispered what the second bottle was for, or something more discrete? She handed the second bottle back. Her God was good and only gave her two pieces of silver to use for a reason. He wouldn't allow her to get pregnant from someone as foul as the fiend that claimed her virginity, would He?

"It's okay. I can only afford the medicine for Granny Ichimaru anyway. I'll take my chances," she spoke softly and quickly before handing him the only two silver coins she had and running out.

"Where is she?" A blood curdling yell rang through the small village as Yuuki escaped the apothecary.

Yuuki's heart sank when she recognized it. The man that harmed her only a short half hour ago had returned for her. Had he changed his mind about letting her live? Before she could fully comprehend the situation, she felt herself being pulled back into the medicine shop.

She noted that it was the doctor's son that was hiding her. He kept one hand over her mouth and the opposite arm wrapped protectively around her waist. Yuuki relaxed at his touch and felt surprisingly safe. It was the only physical attention she had received since she was five, so it was only natural that she would soak it in and associate affection with it.

"She dreams of the blue-haired man all the time since he offered protection that day. When she thinks of love, she always pictures him," _Kibō_ , yet again, added her own context to the scene before explaining what had happened. Urahara frowned. He was right; Yuuki had a thing for the unnatural.

There in Mayuri's arms, she took in her surroundings and could see through a crack between the wood panels that kept the traveling merchant shop together. The crazed man was walking up and down the dirt paths pointing two bloodied sai at terrified villagers.

Apparently, the villain had ransacked the Hitsugaya carriages while Yuuki was inside and butchered the Lord and Lady. One of the chests he found held clothes and pictures associated with Yuuki that her father kept for the day he would retrieve her as he mentioned years before. The Prince, Tōshirō, had escaped along with the murderer's little sister, Momo.

"I knew she looked too much like the royal family to let her go and now she must die like the rest of them!" He sneered as the towns people fled in different directions.

Yuuki caught a flash of white to the left of the hunter. It must have been her little brother and unfortunately, the savage noticed it too.

"Shiro-chan, Shiro-chan, where can you be? If I find you, your sister may come to me," he sung a rhyme as he made his way to where the boy was.

An eleven year old girl with rich, brown hair jumped from the hiding place the white flash had ran to.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Just leave whoever you are looking for alone, leave us alone!" She cried.

Yuuki wondered if this had been the Momo he spoke of while on top of her. He frowned momentarily before raising his weapon to slice at the girl. Yuuki would have cried out and ran to save her, but Mayuri kept her quiet and in place.

The boy Momo was with flew from his hiding place and tackled the charging killer. Yuuki watched in wonder as the child easily overpowered the drunken madman and forced him to stab his own throat. The murderer appeared to be dead only seconds later. The two children heaved in exhaustion and hugged one another close.

"I don't understand. I don't know what happened to him or why he acted this way. I just don't understand," Momo bawled.

"It doesn't matter. We need to think about a place to stay. I'm sure law enforcement will be here soon to investigate what happened. After that, I won't know where to go or where we will be placed. I don't even know what will happen to the manor. My father has not made a will and wasn't going to until after he made amends with his lost daughter, or whatever he called her when my mother wasn't around," Tōshirō said, soothing his friend.

Yuuki was released from her savior. He was about to leave when she caught his arm to keep him in place.

"Wait, what is your name?" She asked.

"That is none of your concern," he responded with irritation and a wave of his hand in dismissal.

"How am I to thank a no name?" She tried again.

He frowned, clearly annoyed. Instead of answering her, he pulled a few strands of her hair out, tore a piece of her dress that had been bloodied, and walked away with the personal items leaving her dumbfounded.

"What was that for?" Urahara questioned Mayuri who only shrugged. If this was in her memory, then the explanation would be shown too.

Time skipped forward four months later with glimpses of how the girl treated her younger brother and his best friend, Momo with kindness and compassion before the fast forward came to a stop.

Yuuki was in the process of hurling whatever she last ate previously into the yard outside. Momo and Tōshirō could be seen inside the home gagging from the sight.

"I really think we should take you to a physician. That is some serious stomach infection you got if it has lasted several months now," Granny Ichimaru was saying as she peeled potatoes beside her.

"Maybe…" Yuuki agreed between heaves. She had been very unwilling to go because she knew, oh she knew of the answer she would hear.

The elder, who had been cured successfully, dropped what she was doing as if experiencing an epiphany.

"You never told me why your dress was ruffled and dirty that day you got treatment for me," she stated cautiously and walked back inside the hut. Her granddaughter had been very secretive lately.

"I did tell you. I was acting foolish and was dancing on the way to the village when I fell," Yuuki explained again exasperatedly. It wasn't a lie.

Tōshirō and Momo stepped outside, sensing a fight about to start. They were accustomed to Yuuki being bullied, but never once heard her raise her voice defensively.

"There is no reason to raise your tone of voice at me, little miss!" Her granny spat, also surprised at her granddaughter's lack of submission.

"If you would stop asking me the same questions over and over again, then I wouldn't be so short with you!" Yuuki exclaimed, the level of their voices continuing on the incline.

"If you would stop lying and tell the truth, then I wouldn't keep asking!"

"Maybe you should ask your God—" Yuuki began to argue back when a wave of nausea hit her, forcing her back outside.

Her hormones were getting the best of her. She couldn't believe that she was about to call God out on her troubles.

"Ewwww, ewww, eww, ew, you got it on me!" her half-brother screamed like a girl and started undressing himself to get rid of the vomit.

Momo stood in the background laughing at his demise while Yuuki slurred apologies. When Yuuki's spell finished, she went back inside to see her grandmother holding a katana at her.

"You know what must be done," she whispered coldly.

"Wh…what?" She asked in confusion.

"I am not a fool. You only used my sickness as an excuse to go sleep around with a boy didn't you? And now you got his bastard inside you."

Yuuki's eyes exposed hidden pain.

"It's not like that at all," she began her argument.

"Ah ha! So you admit that you've been covering up a pregnancy! You are a whore like your mother! What did I do to be cursed with raising two reckless women? I won't raise another Ichimaru brat. Take this and put yourself out of misery," the old lady shrieked and threw the sheathed blade at her quivering granddaughter.

Rage was the distinct emotion escaping Yuuki as she caught it, unsheathed the sword, and threw it at the wall behind her furious granny.

"I refuse," she scoffed before rubbing her shaking hands over swelling abdomen.

"Then leave," Granny Ichimaru commanded.

"You… you can't force her out," Tōshirō said huskily as he entered the conversation, "she has done nothing but take care of all of us without any notice of herself. She loves you unconditionally even when you taunt at her imperfections constantly. What you are suggesting for her to do is wrong."

The old lady looked angrily in his directly to silence him. He and Momo remained quiet as they watched the woman who accepted them generously into her home and made sure that they were well fed and healthy, be dismissed by her own flesh and blood cold-heartedly and without sympathy. It was obvious that she and her grandmother were nothing alike.

Yuuki gathered her belongings before reaching out to her half-brother.

"It's going to be okay. I'll be fine," she whispered and hugged the scared child tightly. They watched her leave without another word.

"That was terrible," Urahara said as they followed the memory Yuuki.

"What did you expect? She was raised in a time where suicide was honorable in a situation like that. Yuuki's mother attempted to kill herself as well when she found out she was with child, but Yuuki's father stepped in," _Kurushimi_ explained.

"Yuuki found herself in a similar predicament, but the man that placed her there was not present. Death would have been considered the best for her at that time. However, she thought otherwise. If her father wanted her to exist, then she wanted the same for her own unborn child. She was pregnant and unmarried. No one would find her acceptable as a wife even with her youth and beauty. Her grandmother thought it preferable to spare her from a hopeless future by handing her that blade," the spirit lengthened.

"You're back," _Kibō_ smiled, "that means the end is near."

The four watched eagerly on to finish the escapade.

Yuuki walked aimlessly around the small town she marched into. None of those present paid her any attention as they were busy tending their own business and she terrified them to be frank. Yuuki finally stopped pacing and stared up at the makeshift store the interesting doctor and his son had used in the past. She entered it and could tell that it had been vacant for several weeks.

She sighed, placed her luggage down, and began to clean the vicinity. Once the inside was tidy, she left to gather lumber and other supplies to rebuild and stabilize the walls. The way she behaved was like she was walking in a dream; no thought, only action. Survival kicked in at its finest. The abode was looking significantly better by the time she took a break.

 _Kibō_ took them a step farther in time. Like at the beginning of their traveling where they watched Yuuki being birthed, they wound up ending with Yuuki experiencing the act herself. This time, there wasn't any midwife present. Yuuki was alone but _without fear of the future_.

Screams of pain filled the home as she struggled with the labor. She wasn't mentally or physically prepared to handle the stress that was digging into her emotions and body, but she knew she could rely on God to carry her through. Her cheeks were hollow which suggested that she had endured malnutrition for some time. Her pale skin looked pallid, and not as beautiful as it once was.

"God, please, I don't know what to do. Do I get help? Should I stay here and handle this by myself as I have for everything? If I stay, do I push? Do I stand? Please, if anything, please give me peace," she pleaded with the holy entity.

It appeared that he answered her mercifully as her face relaxed significantly and she sighed deeply. The onlookers could hear the cries of the newborn. They quietly stared as she lifted the wailing baby, cut the cord, and latched the wailing infant onto her left breast. Yuuki began to pray out loud again. She hoped that he would one day be blessed to have a father too.

"It's okay," she repeated to her own bundle as she once did to herself whenever she worried.

The site of the delicate, exhausted teen swaddling the life she allowed to enter the world was, to say the least, precious.

"I'll call you Gin for the silver of your hair that I will not hide. Gin, for the silver of the coins I received along with you. Gin, for the sword I threw away because my heart longed to be loved as much as I will love you," she was saying before someone entered her haven and pronounced the name incorrectly.

"Gin, for the liquor I bathed in before fucking you," the man said as he bit into a dried persimmon.

God had a funny way of answering her requests. This couldn't be the father she prayed for. This man was supposed to be dead.

"All right, Princess, hand him over."

"No, I cannot do such a thing," she replied tiredly.

"I'll just kill you both," he simply replied, tossing the fruit aside.

"If I give him to you, can he at least live? Please, it's the only thing I have accomplished. I have no legacy, no title, nothing but him," she replied with more alert.

"Well, aren't you just a pathetically frail thing?" He said sarcastically, but with a tone that suggested sincere empathy.

"I am pathetic, yes, but I am not frail," she bit back. She didn't need his sympathy and she was too damn fatigued to deal with this.

"I am sorry," he began.

"I don't want to hear—" Yuuki interjected before he spoke over her.

"No, you need to listen. I was paid a fortune to kill a girl with the strangest description. A girl with silver-white hair, eyes the color of an ocean, and in her late teens. I searched high and low for such a person when it became evident that one did not exist. If I failed, my sister would have been taken and sold into a slavery no little girl should suffer. I drank myself to near death because I couldn't finish the mission. Once it became evident that I botched the job, I ran away instead of sticking around to defend my sister," he choked as if fighting the need to cry.

Yuuki listened on, playing with Gin's toes and staring off into the corner she recalled the doctor's son once stood. She had hoped it was he that would be here now, not this cuntpuddle.

"That was when I stumbled upon you. You were exactly who I was paid to assassinate. When you looked up at me with those round, innocent eyes you reminded me of the sister I left behind. How was I supposed to kill a little lamb? You, with your bright, lonely stare; I swear I almost pissed myself when I noticed the deep turquoise irises full of emptiness looking up at me."

Yuuki hugged Gin closer to her heart as she continued to hear the man out.

"How could I take the life of someone who hadn't even had the chance to live? If I failed to do so, Momo would become a sex slave and I would have been killed in turn. I was selfish that day, but still couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I settled on stealing your precious purity. Most women your age would kill themselves afterwards out of shame and disgust. I thought I would walk away with a clean slate and a happy sister."

"But here I am," Yuuki commented, switching Gin to the other exposed nipple.

"That's right. I caught wind that some blue-eyed vixen and her exotic features stepped into the village I had just left. I went back to find you and ran across Momo playing with the Prince. Something made me bitter and I snapped. I annihilated the clan that thought they were better than others while the rest of us squandered in poverty. They had the audacity to show their faces into the poor village and act as if everything was okay. I chased my own sister down to kill her playmate."

"Tōshirō," Yuuki added, "The child you threatened has a name and it is Tōshirō."

"Yes. He had a name and an unwanted sister. He was fast though, quick thinking just like you. I couldn't catch him, so I decided to hunt you too. Next thing I knew, I was bleeding out from a wound that imp gave me. I was left there to die, but here I am as well," he finished.

Yuuki looked at her precious babe. He looked more like her mother than she thought was possible. His smile upturned deeper than hers and his eyes were a pastel shade of the lightest blue. If only she could hold on to him a little longer, if only she could see her mother's face reflected in his a little longer.

For the first time in her life, Yuuki cried.

She could not clothe herself in _strength and dignity_ any longer as she had none left. She was tired of trying. She could not _laugh at the future_ , for her doom was seconds away.

Tears ran down her sunken cheeks. The room could have flooded with the mess her soul made. The disquieting pitter-patter of the start of rain tapped on the metal roof over their heads.

"Please, let him live," she asked between sobs.

"I will keep him as long as I can," he whispered.

"If anyone asks, his sir name is Ichimaru, after my mother. I don't want him targeted as a Hitsugaya."

The man she was about to trust her child with could not make eye contact with her, the adolescent he robbed so much from. He walked slowly towards her before plucking the quite infant from her chest. He turned away as she stood up with difficulty and jerked his shirt back. She was so weak, that her pull did not make him budge even slightly.

"Please, I'm not ready to go" was all she could muster the strength to say.

He shook her off and kept his head bowed while he carried Gin away. Then, he picked up the persimmon and held it to her son's lips to occupy the whining boy. He snapped the fingers of his free hand as if to summon someone. Before Yuuki could react, three men surrounded her with each holding a pair of sai.

* * *

Urahara gasped when the enemy jabbed the knives into the screaming girl repeatedly before they pinned her to the wall behind her as she held her arms out to her crying son. Gin's father snapped again and the attackers disappeared into the night.

Yuuki remained attached to the wall as blood poured profusely from the ferocious wounds and stained not only her attire, but the wood and floor around her as well.

* * *

"I'm not ready!" She screamed as the tears continued to damp her face. "I am not ready to say goodbye! Wait, please!"

Her shouts intensified and could be heard from yards away although they were left unattended. Who cared about the single, lonely girl who didn't have enough sense to keep her legs closed? More than likely, she got herself mixed up with some criminal. Whatever happened to her, she probably brought it on herself.

Gin was gone and his father was replaced by a different man. This one had brown eyes that narrowed deeply with a bang that fell between them along with matching brown hair.

"Good. You're not dead yet," he said as if he had been waiting for this opportunity.

"Are you here to free me?" Yuuki asked hopefully.

The man laughed at her naivety.

"No, I am here to see if this serum I've been developing works," he explained as she tried pulling her arms free from the sai that held her in place.

"Why me?"

"It's simple; unfortunate luck. Are you familiar with the painted people?"

"The doctor?" she asked confusedly.

"Yes, many of them take that trade. Did you know that they can do what some would call magic?"

"They are fascinating, but no," Yuuki choked out, blood oozing from her lips.

She was clearly in distress as death neared her.

"It's that bad luck of yours. You see, those people took interest in you and because of that, I knew you must be a perfect test subject."

"No, it was the best of luck that they did. If it was not for the doctor, I would have died a long time ago," she managed to argue before fainting from lack of blood with a smile tickling her face.

"Where is your God now?" He asked as death reached her bones.

Kisuke, Mayuri, and the sai spirits observed on as the man ran to her and injected a liquid into her stomach before her soul fully left its vessel. Their mouths dropped when Yuuki awoke. Her eyes sunk deeper into her skull as a white substance began to drain from them.

A Hollow mask was forcing itself free and was attaching its grip on her.

"Get it off! Stop this at once!" She yelled angrily.

The drug provided to her intensified her strength. As a result, she squirmed loose from her bondage and yanked at the mask as it covered the right side of her face.

The man heard a commotion from outside and rage decorated his face. Yuuki continued to yell at him to reverse the damage he started, but he was already gone.

Minutes passed while she violently sliced at the mask with one of the sai left behind.

"Hold still," the doctor she never thought she would see again asked every so irritably.

She stopped fighting immediately and allowed him to get closer. She realized that it wasn't the doctor, but his son and she felt assured that everything was going to be okay. He stole another strand of her hair before placing it into a syringe that was already filled with something and shot whatever it was into her arm.

Urahara looked over at Mayuri as the mask began to melt away. Yuuki relaxed when whatever it was that he gave her worked. He was already walking away like those before him when she called out.

"May I have your name now that you have saved me twice?"

"I only saved you from a worse fate. I couldn't save your life. You are already a spirit, in case you didn't notice, but now you will not be converted into one of _those_ creatures."

"It doesn't matter what you did. I want to thank you formally. To do so, I will need your name."

"Kurotsuchi Mayuri," he finally complied.

She smiled happily much to his obvious disgust. She laughed at his unease and disinterest.

"Thank you, Kurotsuchi Mayuri," her smile widened and her eyes closed. It was uncanny how much Gin resembled her, "I owe you more than words. If you ever run out of reptiles, I promise to take their place for testing," she added boldly. Little did she know that one day she would indeed be used as such.

She continued to smile as he left before picking up two of the sai to carry off with her into the new world, into her second chance.

 _Kurushimi_ placed the black shield back around the visitors.

"Now you know why she uses sai as her zampakutō," _Kibō_ smiled and lifted her own proudly.

"Good bye," _Kurushimi_ added before kicking them out.

Urahara quickly unplugged the sensory stickers and jumped as far away from Yuuki as he could manage. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes.

"Kisuke," she growled demonically before laughing.

"Thank you. I feel light and free with the weight of my past off my shoulders. As you can assume, I came here in search of Gin and the man that poisoned me. I had the luxury of watching my son graduate from the academy, but that also meant that he did not survive the Living World which was difficult for me to accept. I have already found his killer and need to prevent that bastard who tried to Hollowfy me from using his concoction on others," she continued in a soft, mellow tone.

"I understand. I can't share this evidence to the Captain-Commander without a name of that person. Have you found any leads yet?" Urahara asked.

"Is it not obvious? That man was Aizen," she said, surprised at Kisuke's lack of recognition.

"Are you sure? Shinji isn't blind and would have noticed if something was off," Kisuke questioned.

Yuuki leapt from the tangled cords still attached to her, tackled him to the ground, and locked him into a chokehold with both of her hands as she pinned his bottom half with her knees. She began to slam the back of his head onto the floor.

"How dare you question me," she sassed before releasing her death grip.

"Okay, okay! I'll check into it," he struggled to breathe before pushing her off and leaving her alone with Mayuri.

"And you," she started in on Kurotsuchi, "why did you agree to come here? You were clearly uninterested."

"I never thought of you as dense, but that is a very stupid question. Did you not offer yourself to me back then?"

"I was only flirting, was that not obvious? You wouldn't want to use me anyway. I think you are only teasing me like Urahara," Yuuki said before Mayuri's face darkened.

"This is your only warning. The next time you compare me with that manner less, unpleasant dolt of a man again, I will choke the remaining life you have left and use you for unnatural purposes."

"You are going to use me as such either way," she rebutted, cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink.

"Ugh, please don't flatter yourself. You only intrigue me and since I already have practice using your DNA, I feel confident in using you for my experimentations while I'm here. I know that you would be willing to comply due to your promise. I won't have to worry about anyone poking their noses into any of your injuries that will come of it since you will be a good girl and keep silent. "

"Suuuuuure, Vice President Kurotsuchi," Yuuki winked and left him standing there dissolving in his own rage.

She couldn't really believe that he was the monster he was hinting at after saving her twice, right? Even if she was reacquainted with him in the Nest of Maggots, right? Even if he happened to be the only inmate placed in a cell, right? Even if the way he spoke made her think of a mad scientist, right?

 _Yes,_ _he isn't anyone to worry over,_ she thought as she _laughed without fear of the future._


	5. Testing the Waters

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

* * *

All of the Doubts and the Outbursts

Yuuki knew today was the day her captain had volunteered her to sub at the academy and represent Squad 12. She also knew that if she chose to ignore the important day and stay in, that he wouldn't know. She took advantage of his airy nature to be lazy. Or, that is what she planned on doing until she received a notification from Shihōin Yoruichi to meet with her secretly at 6:00AM sharp.

It was much too early for Yuuki to function, but she managed to get dressed, tie her hair in her standard fishtail braid, and head out without letting anyone know what she was up to.

"Shoeless again, Hitsugaya?" The Squad 2 Captain acknowledged.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up on me? I almost had a panic attack," Yuuki stuttered as she inhaled sharply.

"Don't be so dramatic," the vibrant, violet-haired woman teased.

"I wouldn't have to be if I wasn't so on edge with being awake at this time and things."

"Is it the Kurotsuchi guy Kisuke fetched from me 'the things'?"

"Maybe some," Yuuki blushed.

"He's the reason I've asked you to come see me."

"Are you kidding me? That couldn't wait until later?"

"Of course it could have waited until later! I only asked that you come before the sun rose to see if you could actually do it. Fellow officers betted against it, so I've made quite a bit of money, thank you."

Yuuki gawked. Of course she could have been on time to everything, but she never found them as important as sleep the way Yoruichi made this meeting seem. She had given herself away and now everyone will expect her to be timelier.

"If you tell anyone of my punctuality, I will—"

"You will what? Calm down, I'll be sure that my debtors know not to share your once in a lifetime promptness. Now, let's move on to the purpose of this chat," Shihōin interrupted.

"Okay, so what do you want to know?"

"It's not that I want to know something as much as I was only wondering if _you_ needed advice on 'cluck-cluck'" Yoruichi replied, ending her sentence with two clicks of her tongue. She always used that sound to reference sex which was a little inside knowledge between the two.

"Let me get this right. You summoned me here at six o'clock in the morning by insisting that it was a life threatening situation when it was really only to ask if I needed sex tips?"

"Yes, and I wanted to make sure that you were awake in time to stand in for your current Division at school."

"I don't have time for this you savage," Yuuki sighed and made a move to leave.

"I'm not as savage as that Mayuri person will be when he discovers that you are as delicate as a flower," Yoruichi joked and poked her roughly on the forehead.

"You and I both know that I am not delicate. You also know that I've gotten experience with that sort of thing since being in your Squad all those years ago," Yuuki defended and sighed at the thought of those wild days.

"Are you referring to the single one night stand I talked you into with Kenpachi of Squad Eleven?" She badgered unmercifully again.

Yuuki wanted to pull her own hair out at the thought of stooping so low just to prove that she could get anyone she wanted to Yoruichi. It wasn't worth the torture that man gave her since. He still harasses her to this day.

"Okay, so I'm not a bimbo that oozes with sexual knowledge like you. Please, enlighten me on whatever the hell you wanted to share with me so that I can go get back in the bed!"

"First of all, it is way too soon in the day to be yelling. Secondly, if you don't want my opinion then I'll keep it to myself," the captain said dismissively to lure the red faced girl on.

"I swear to God, I will tell Urahara that I know the _things_ you two have done if you don't spit it out and tell me why I am here."

"You really are on edge. I didn't know you still referenced God, how interesting."

Yuuki pinched the brim of her nose to keep herself from imploding.

"Okay, okay! I see that I am annoying you. How else am I to pay you back for leaving me? You know I had high hopes for you then, just like all the other captains you have abandoned. I'm here because I am concerned. I understand that this new scientist is like a puzzle and you, being the weirdo that you are, are bound to want to solve it. But in all seriousness, I think you're better off distancing yourself from him."

"Oh really? That doesn't sound anything like you at all. Normally I'd have to hear all about how you conquered Urahara and how I should apply your techniques. Besides, I don't have any intentions of pursuing that type of relationship with him honestly."

"So Urahara's concern is invalid?"

"Who, wait what? We only got the man yesterday so there shouldn't be any concerns about anything really. You two need to fix your goddamn problems and stop using me as an excuse to communicate with one another."

"Your language sure has worsened over the years," Yoruichi stated and ignored Yuuki's response.

"As well as my attitude. Why can't you both just 'cluck-cluck' and move on?" Yuuki stated and mimicked her superior's sex reference tongue click.

"Okay, that is enough about me. All that I said about being concerned for you was bull shit for Kisuke's behalf. You know that I'd support any of your foolish decisions. I, for one, am not worried at all. In my expert opinion, Mayuri looks to be someone to take things slow with like any insane man should be. If you do go down that road, I suggest trying _that_ first. You know, just in case that situation arises," Yoruichi laughed, taunting her friend.

Yuuki buried her face in the palms of her hands. The thought of trying _that_ terrified her more than anything, even despite Yoruichi's in depth description on how to do it.

"I told you that I have no intentions of—"

"I heard you, but the second I saw your face today I knew your infatuation with him was inevitable. Bye, Princess," Yoruichi winked and flash stepped away.

"I'm not a princess!" Yuuki shouted to the wind.

The irritable woman walked back to her division with her fists clenched to her sides. It had been less than twenty-four hours and her captain's best friend, or lover as Yuuki accused them of being, had already learned all about her past which was very personal.

No fucks were given as she stomped to the kitchen and took her chocolate cake and rum from the cooler, it wasn't like anyone was awake and alert to notice. She quickly devoured whatever was left from the cake and started to chug the last of her drink.

She was not a pleasant drunk at the moment to say the least. She was already annoyed before she consumed the alcohol, and was now possessed with bitterness. The last sip burned her stomach as intensely as her mouth and throat. When she finished it, she slammed the empty glass bottle as hard as she could back onto the table.

The action not only shattered the bottle, but forced the table to collapse along with Yuuki as well who landed loudly into the scattered shards of glass and wood.

"What the hell is going on in here?" She heard Urahara ask sleepily.

She managed to pick herself up and leave the scene before he turned on the lights to find the mess she left behind. Yuuki was stumbling down the hall carelessly and reciting a list of reasons she should just give up her goal of killing Aizen and running away from the Soul Society. By now, the majority of the division was alert from all the noise she created.

She was completely unaware of her surroundings when she stopped in front of a door thinking it was to her room. She managed to open it successfully after her sixth attempt only by tripping over her own feet and breaking the door loose from its hinges. Without further ado, she crawled to the bed and climbed onto it.

At that point, she felt a warm body next to her and realized that someone had the audacity to use her bed without her permission.

"You need to get out," she said sternly, at least she believed she did when in reality her company could not understand what she had slurred.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" A sharp feminine voice spat.

"Hiyori?" Yuuki drooled.

"Yes, that is my name. Why the hell are you drunk? The day hasn't even started yet and why did you come in here? Go away," The Vice-Captain desperately restrained herself from yelling.

"Huh? This is my room little miss sharp tooth," Yuuki blabbered and hugged Hiyori's pillow close.

"This isn't your room dumbass!" Hiyori's restraint broke before she shoved Yuuki off of her bed.

"It's not?" Yuuki whined from the floor.

"I understand that yesterday was a challenge for you, but if you don't leave I'm going to beat you with my sandal," Hiyori politely explained and subdued her temper once more.

"I don't know how to get to my room. I'll just sleep here," Yuuki replied.

Hiyori huffed before looking down at Yuuki. The young woman's eyes rounded like a child's.

"Maybe you should take a bath to sober up. All you need to do is walk straight down the hall and take a left. You will need to open the first door to the right. The bath there is huge so you will not have any trouble getting into it."

"Yes ma'am," Yuuki smiled and saluted before Hiyori pushed her out.

She found the bathroom without too much issue and even started the bath without causing any more disturbances. Yuuki was quietly minding her own business there for the past hour when a light tapping on the door alerted her of company. She didn't even have time to climb out of the tub before the intruder barged in.

"Wait," she cried as she ducked into the bubbles she had been adding every ten minutes.

"Oh good, you aren't finished yet," Vice President Kurotsuchi stated without any care of the situation.

"Pardon me?" Yuuki asked as she rose partially out enough so that her shoulders were exposed.

"I would prefer that you don't ask so many questions," Mayuri bluntly replied.

"I would prefer that you don't interrupt my alone time," Yuuki countered.

The strange man ignored her, undressed himself, and climbed into the bath with her like it was the most normal habit they shared. Yuuki wasn't sure what to do and her face certainly showed it.

She remained still in her confusion and thought about what Yoruichi discussed with her earlier. She was so distracted by his disruption that she failed to notice the six syringes he held between his fingers.

She watched his makeup dissolve from his abdomen down while he grabbed her arm to bring her closer. She felt an unnatural urge to do something inappropriate when he snapped her from the daydream by sticking one of the needles into the arm he was still holding.

"One of three of these solutions should allow you to breath underwater. The other three are to reverse each one in case of failure."

"That sounds reassuring, but do you really need to be in here with me for this?" Yuuki inquired.

"No," he responded before rudely forcing her under the water and holding her in place there.

Now, Yuuki was even more confused. If he didn't need to be in here, then why was he? She couldn't focus on the unusual behavior at the moment since she began to lose oxygen.

She attempted to inhale the water to see if it worked only to have it gush into her lungs. She felt Kurotsuchi pull her back out quickly. He injected another needle and submerged her back into the soapy water before she even had the chance to catch her breath.

Yuuki tried to fight his arm away but was too busy drowning to do any real damage.

"This is not good," she heard him say before yanking her by her tangled mess of hair and injecting the third option.

Her face turned a plum shade of blue as she continued to choke on the water she originally engulfed. Her eyes reddened as she stared daggers into the maniac killing her. Any threats she wanted to scream at him were kept unspoken only because she was unable to talk.

He rolled his eyes at her silent warnings before forcing her back underwater. This time, Yuuki felt the water rush free from her mouth. The sensation was not only relieving, but oddly exciting as well.

She could breathe submerged and it was fascinating. Yuuki felt Mayuri free his grip from her head and back to let her be. She popped back up, smiling.

"It works!" She exclaimed.

"How dare you question that it would not?" The scientist smugly replied.

He didn't make any move to leave her and she was becoming all too aware of her exposed flesh. He didn't really seem to be paying much attention to her, so she relaxed slightly.

"I don't know why you had to be such a heathen about it, but whatever. I'm like a mermaid!"

She laughed and dived into the large bath to swim like the fantasy creature she pretended to be. She swore she could hear the madman mumble insults at her juvenile behavior, but she didn't mind. After all, wasn't that the whole purpose of giving her the ability?

She was having fun, especially when she discovered the manhood he possessed while spying underwater.

 _Oh my shit! He does have a penis AND it's not pint sized as Hiyori claimed it would be!_ She thought idly after recalling what he said earlier.

 _He doesn't need to be in here with me, huh? Well then…_

Hitsugaya Yuuki was a very secretive young lady. As a result, she was also very reserved. Something about the scientist made her want to shove her doubts aside and act as brashly as Yoruichi. Hell, she was already sharing a bath with him, so why not try more?

She slowly lifted her head up and noted that the man appeared to be napping. His arms were outstretched over the edges of the tub and his head rested on the back of it. She swam closer to inspect his features better. Paint remained coated on his face, but she could clearly see scars decorating the rest of his body.

The intrigued Soul Reaper struggled with the temptation to trace over the discolored flesh. Instinct told her not to and she trusted it. She took in his facial attributes that makeup couldn't hide. Her heart dropped knowing that she may never get a chance to love the unusual man. She couldn't understand why or how that feeling evolved only by looking at him, but it did.

Something within her made her disregard intuition. Why should she hold back? So what if he made an outburst against her? She decided to do what she wanted; after all, _he_ didn't seem to have an issue with enforcing the promise she made at being a lab rat and doing what he wanted.

Yuuki found herself doing the unthinkable. She carefully held his face within her palms before placing her tongue cautiously at the far left of his jaw line and tracing a line to the other side. His makeup tasted bitter, but it fueled her need.

His only reaction was to open his eyes and stare menacingly back at her. She took this as a positive sign. If he wanted her to stop, he would make her. She continued the delicate licking trail down his neck, back underwater to reach his stomach, and finally her target to do _that_ thing Yoruichi suggested hours earlier. This mermaid trick could work to their advantage.

She widened her mouth to fit him inside. She could feel him lengthen as she massaged it experimentally. She felt his muscles tense as she continued to suck at it like candy as that was the closest example she had to go by. Mayuri didn't complain and even moved his arms to rest on top of her to keep her from floating, so she was positive that she wasn't failing.

Things were going quite well when she just remembered that the asswipe she was pleasuring had nearly killed her minutes before. Her pride got the best of her. What would Yoruichi and Hiyori think of her behaving so badly? Poor, poor Kurotsuchi released a high pitched yelp when Yuuki bit his shaft brutally.

Meanwhile, Hiyori and Kisuke were notified that Yuuki hadn't shown up at the academy yet and that Squad Twelve's reputation was being questioned.

"Where could she be if she's not there?! She should have sobered up by now!" Hiyori shouted at Urahara.

"She's probably sleeping in like she does every day," the captain of her division replied in boredom.

"Do you even care about what people say about us? Get off your lazy ass and help me find her! And when we do, I will kick her face in!"

"Let's not be to rash now. She's been under a little stress lately," Urahara reasoned.

"Well yeah, no thanks to you she's now a slave to someone we don't know anything about!"

"You do what you think is best. Me on the other hand, will stay here and enjoy this tea."

Hiyori ignored her idiot captain and went in search of the woman by herself. She couldn't find her in any of the lab rooms or the girl's bedroom. Then, she recalled the conversation she had about telling Yuuki to shower.

 _Oh no! What if she drowned?_ The short, ill-tempered Lieutenant gasped inwardly and ran to the bathroom.

"You little witch! What was that for?" Mayuri hissed after Yuuki lifted her head from the water.

"I'm not a mermaid anymore. I am a shark," she smiled dangerously and opened her mouth to chomp like one.

"Fair enough, but the next time you try something like that, I'll be sure to transform you into one since you are so keen on being a man eater," Kurotsuchi returned her sinister smile.

"Are you intentionally ignoring the fact that you could have killed me?"

"Are you daft? I didn't try to kill you at all, stupid girl. If none of the three tests worked, then I would have used the remaining three syringes to reverse the effects as I have already explained. I've only just started toying with you, how could I possible kill you off so soon?"

Yuuki frowned, despite her lips showing otherwise, and opened her mouth to chomp at him again; which was the precise moment Hiyori decided to storm in and scream about Yuuki dying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for killing you Yuuki! I didn't think about your drunk ass falling asleep in the bath and you potentially dying as a result of my uncaring attitude and—"

Hiyori stopped mid rant as she finally noticed the commotion Yuuki was making trying to hide Kurotsuchi. His face was buried into Yuuki's chest as she climbed on top of him to force him under the water.

It felt like hours had passed as Hiyori and Yuuki stared open mouthed at one another before Yuuki finally snapped her jaws together to break the unbearable silence. Mayuri's face was still embedded into her porcelain breasts while her elbows casually rested on his head.

"It's not what it looks like," Yuuki stated simply.

Hiyori turned around from what she had just witnessed.

"Captain Baldy!" Hiyori started screaming as she took off running down the hall.

"Don't you dare!" Yuuki screamed after her as she hurried out of the tub by climbing completely over the Vice President.

Once she was out, she slipped unmercifully from tile to tile and struggled to pull on her shihakushō as it stuck to her wet skin. She didn't even have time to fix her hair when she ran face first into her Captain, her wet hair soaking through his own shihakushō.

"I can explain," she began.

"Yoruichi was right, tsk tsk," he interrupted, hiding his face behind a fan, "you may want to hurry on. Your students are waiting to meet you. Apparently you have earned quite a name for yourself from your other squads that has spread."

Yuuki paid no more attention to him as she made her way to the Shinōreijutsuin as quickly as she could. Whatever the young Shinigami thought of her was probably embarrassing.

"You're late, ill-dressed, and barefoot. This isn't a surprise," Aizen commented as Yuuki burst into the room she was designated to be in.

"For those who have never seen the infamous transferring queen, this is Hitsugaya Yuuki," he added as he motioned for her to take a seat beside him in front of the classroom.

Her heart could have beat from her chest if it were possible. Urahara didn't mention that Aizen would be joining her.


End file.
